


lucid

by BurnedGrass



Category: Gintama
Genre: Canon Compliant, Healing, Love/Hate, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29817867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnedGrass/pseuds/BurnedGrass
Summary: About Hijikata, Gintoki, and Mitsuba-san.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	lucid

Hijikata was sore all over. Perhaps the root of his misery came from a week’s worth of sleep deprivation, or the fact that he had recently cut down a whole Joui cartel whose leader just so happened to be his unlabelled significant person’s fiancé. One of the two.

Hijikata could smell blood reeking from his uniform as he drowned himself in smoke and fires. Amidst the chaos, a crunching sound echoed from afar.

Hijikata blinked, confused to find his surroundings had changed to the white walls of a hospital. The pipping sound of the ECG and the bitter smell of disinfectants enveloped the room. Mitsuba was sitting next to him on the bed. Their shoulders were only a few centimetres apart, yet the distance felt like infinity, as it had always been.

“Your heart is about to fail and you still wholeheartedly commit to those spicy rice crackers.”

Mitsuba heaved a soft laugh, continued to nibble on her dangerously red abomination she called food.

“You haven’t changed at all, Hijikata-san.”

“You aren’t around to see if I do, anyway.”

A chilly gust of wind quietly swept through the room.

“How’s Sougo?” Mitsuba said after a while.

“Still sadistic.”

Mitsuba chuckled almost proudly.

“And the others? Still weird, I suppose?”

“You guessed right.” Hijikata’s lips drew a faint curve.

“And you? How are you doing, Hijikata-san?” Mitsuba turned to him.

Her eyes were like window panes blocking him from the summer cloudburst. He could see drops of rain violently pound against the glass, yet all he could hear was pitch black silence.

—

Hijikata’s stomach twisted in distress at the sight of fluffy white curls at the end of the road. _Not again._ He just wanted to enjoy his precious day-off in peace. As if a day of literally sticking their butts together a few volumes ago was not enough.

At least Hijikata had stopped trying to annihilate the bastard. It would be weird to do that after everything the Yoroyuza had done for the Shinsengumi, after everything the sugar addict had done for him. Casually taking down a helicopter, for starters.

Although his eyes still twitched at the sight of those dead fish eyes, and he still flinched at the absolutely disgusting combination of rice and red beans Yorozuya ferociously devoured in one go, still despised the constant lazy, nonchalant attitude, sitting beside him with their shoulders barely touched during late-night drinks was not exactly unbearable.

When the velvet sky draped everything in silent darkness, beneath the dim light flickering from a nightstand, nonsense bickering with a certain someone could almost serve as a distraction.

Yorozuya even mixed his sake with strawberry milk, as if he couldn’t function properly for a day without sugar. Which was, without a doubt, different from Hijikata’s relationship with Mayonnaise. His was sacred and devout, while the dumbass’s was straight-up compulsive obsession.

Hearing the jerk complaining about his diabetes risk while gobbling strawberry milk bore an uncanny resemblance to seeing Mitsuba nibbling spicy rice crackers on her hospital bed.

Stubborn addicts, both of them.

—

Apparently, Mademoiselle Saigo had had Yorozuya escorting their son to school. Hijikata saw the peasant bastard shelling out to buy the kid a dango from a shop near his elementary school. Him being good with kids didn’t astound Hijikata, but him emptying his pocket for someone else certainly did.

Somehow seeing him with the son of the Kabukicho deva was as natural as seeing dark clouds on a rainy day. Mitsuba also had this look in her eyes every time the little sadist was around. Perhaps they were trying to protect something they could never have.

However, maybe Hijikata had come to the conclusion too soon, because the idiot was currently picking fight with other elementary kids.

—

As much as Hijikata was irritated by the spoilt brat, he somewhat understood what Tetsunosuke was going through. He knew too well that underneath that thin veil were anger and confusion just waiting to burst out.

Because although Thorny Toshi had neither enjoyed rap nor joined a gang of delinquents, Thorny Toushi did cautiously react to everything that stood in his way. Thorny Toushi used to push himself forward, to keep moving, until his hands trembled and his face tainted with blood. Thorny Toushi used to desperately find a path, and yet always ended up lost. Thorny Toushi did manage to break free, and yet still felt shackles restraining his wings.

Fortunately, Thorny Toushi did find a home. A home with a gorilla and two sadists who gave him hell, but it was a destination he chose to land.

But here, in Edo, on the roof surrounded by a bunch of Mimiwarigumi officers and Joui rebels daring to kill him, Thorny Toushi had found himself.

“Come get me, Demon Vice Chief. If you think you can take the head of the Joui legend Shiroyasha, then go ahead and try.”

The voice of his mirrored self was flushed with pride.

And then, all sounds in the universe seemed to be drowned in the deafening noise of the helicopter hovering above, until all Hijikata could hear was his own genuine laugh.

Everything was clear, like the sky after being washed away by the rain.

The instant his eyes met Shiroyasha’s conceited grin and Kondou shouted “Go wild!”, Hijikata heard the final shackle crumbling down.

That night, Thorny Toushi soared. And Hijikata felt liberated.

—

For someone whose name had always been linked with the white of snow and the cold colour of silver, Gintoki was oddly hot.

His hands, be it in summer or winter, had always managed to melt the ice on Hijikata’s fingertips.

Though Hijikata had seen him absorb sugar as a daily fuel, he was still surprised at how unimaginably sweet his lips tasted. _The bastard is so going to die of diabetes._ Hijikata thought as their tongues brushed and hot breath gently stroked his skin.

The first night they spent together, Edo was caught in a downpour. Wind and cloudbursts were dancing outside, yet somehow the cheap hotel room they rented was packed with heat. Hijikata felt warmth engulfing him as fire bloomed every place their bodies touched.

The lazy prick didn’t even move his fingers when they finished, let alone got up to close the windows. Hijikata had to make himself drift off to the calming sound of the rain and the irritating snore coming from the mound of blanket next to him.

They usually slept with their backs facing each other because Hijikata prided himself on being an independent adult who didn’t need any man. But sometimes Gintoki would jerk awake in the hollow darkness of the night and almost instantly lie back down after a few ragged breaths. Then, Hijikata would slip closer so that their shoulder blades could touch, and only dozed off when the tension gathered on Gintoki’s muscles had melted away.

—

Hijikata found himself standing among the straight rows of graves, attentively looking at the epitaph carved on one. Mitsuba was standing next to him on the other side of the headstone.

“You even have that spicy rice crackers brand next to your name.”

“Well, death can’t do us part, so they say.”

The roses planted on her grave had started to bloom, velvet petals had begun to unfold, sparkled with droplets left behind by the early rain.

“How’s everyone?” Mitsuba’s voice broke the silence.

“Unemployed, some about to be executed.” Hijikata could feel bitterness coated his tongue.

“What are you going to do?” Her reply caught him by surprise.

“What can I do?” His voice couldn’t bite back the despair raging underneath.

“I don’t know.” Mitsuba turned her head to smile at him. “But you look hopeful.”

“Do I?” He heaved a desperate laugh.

—

The cold rain sent shivers down his spine. The gate he effortlessly walked through every day fell strangely heavy under his hands. Where was his courage when he tore down the warning tapes a few moments ago?

Hijikata wondered what he had been waiting for.

“Forget something?”

His chest unconsciously heaved a sigh of relief at the source of the sound.

With Gintoki’s help, the gate was suddenly opened with ease. The damp on his shoulders no longer felt numb. The newfound part of himself he was so scared of losing was given back to him. Whole. Familiar. Endearing. Like the heat embracing him those few nights he didn’t spend alone.

“You can still save both.”

Rather than Kondou and the Shinsengumi, it was as if Gintoki was referring to themselves.

Fighting shoulder to shoulder with him against a whole army, with their swords tight in their grips, with their souls held high and in sync, felt as vivifying as a flower greedily absorbed the first drop of water after having been parched for who knew how long.

“Fight! Shinsengumi!”

A lustrous light casted over Hijikata and his comrades along with Gintoki’s vivid roar.

He had grasped it then, the meaning of saving and being saved. 

It rained the day before Hijikata left Edo. Unlike the first night they slept together, the wind didn’t shriek and the clouds weren’t ferocious. The air under their umbrellas’ shade and beneath heaven’s closed eye was perfectly still.

As Hijikata had well predicted, the Uji Gintoki was horrendously awful. And the bastard even had the _nerve_ to talk shit about his Mayonnaise. Lucky for him, Hijikata was a generous person, so he’d let this slide.

Silence didn’t bore Hijikata anymore. Rather, he had been proactively seeking it, that once pitch-black void was splashed with vibrant colours as he allowed that overwhelming warmth to envelop his senses one last time.

Until the day they met again. 

—

That cheesy goodbye was apparently good for nothing, because they met again sooner than they thought.

Once again they were releasing all they had got amid resonant explosions and erratic laughter. Forget self-improvement and quitting smoking, Hijikata was here again, in the Edo where his principles were crafted, side by side the person from whom he had found his definite self. He just felt right.

Their beloved Edo seemed to always be the rendezvous point of all troubles. No one asked to fight against a bunch of immortal assholes but life threw you curveballs. It was not in the least fair, but it was the situation Hijikata found himself to be in. Damn it to hell was he used to this. At this point, aliens might be throwing bombs in their faces, and they might as well just keep drinking their tea.

In the end, they prevailed and managed to kick that Utsuro prick down the hell hole where he belonged. But when he looked at Gintoki, Hijikata could tell that this battle was nowhere near finished. Hijikata understood, more than anyone, because that was the expression he wore when he had found his own path.

Joy was sure short-lived. What a shame.

 _This_ was proper goodbye.

—

Whatever efforts he made, Hijikata did not meet Gintoki until after two years had passed.

The idiot still had the same stupid look on his face that Hijikata had gotten so tired looking at.

They were engaging in a war. _Again._ Seriously, had that damn gorilla of an author ever heard of deadlines? It meant dead, final, ultimate. Bouncing from one magazine to another was not in the slightest ultimate.

However, perhaps Hijikata had to thank that gorilla for consistently doing that. Because instead of blindly throwing himself in battles just to bear new scars, Gintoki’s old wounds seemed to be healing. Whatever the bastard had spent all this time searching, Hijikata hoped he had found it.

Under the blazing red sun, Shiroyasha let out a final cry. And, Sakata Gintoki came back home.

—

Hijikata was back in his hometown in Bushu with a gorilla and two sadists who relished on his sufferings.

Mitsuba was sitting next to him on the porch, a tea tray sat separating them.

Roses had dyed the garden in a deep tint of red, velvet petals bursted in radiancy. Flower fragrance mingled with the pleasant smell of green tea wafted in the air, closing the distance between them.

“How’s everyone?”

“Still stupid and weird.”

Mitsuba smiled softly.

Rain pitter-pattered on the rooftop. The sound of ravens eagerly cawing in the mountains afar was as though they had been patiently waiting for the fresh rain to wash through their tainted feathers.

“What about you, Hijikata-san?”

“Fine.”

“I’m glad. You look happier, too.”

The corners of her eyes scrunched as the curve on her lips drew wider.

“Do I?”

Mitsuba gently nodded.

“Are you happy, Hijikata-san?”

Hijikata felt a warm drop of rain followed the gust of wind and landed on his skin.

The pale light of dawn had begun to crack open the inked horizon.

—

Hijikata could not believe that after fifteen years and more than seven hundred chapters of characterisation and yet Gintoki still remained a lazy ass.

The idiot still carried that detached attitude and that unredeemable work ethic of a three-toed sloth. He was still very much addicted to sugar, even though he knew diabetes was only a hair’s breadth away. He still cried at stupid kids’ movies and still puked in dark alleys after every time he chunked down that abomination of sake and strawberry milk mixture he had so proudly called a delicacy.

His hair was still messy and unkempt. His eyes still resembled those of a dead fish.

His skin was still hot to touch.

But the scars mapping his back had begun to fade away, and the dim silver light in the swell of his eyes had stayed unwavering. Like it had always been.

“What were you searching for?” Hijikata asked one day when he was resting his head on Gintoki’s arm.

“A sacred scroll that unveiled the secrets of Naruto’s kyuubi form.” The shameless jerk answered blatantly while picking his nose.

Hijikata’s face darkened as he lifted his hand to wholeheartedly slap the bastard in the face and resolutely turned to the other side.

“What?! Would you prefer I tell you that I was looking for the secrets of capturing Hijikata-kun’s heart?” Gintoki sounded almost offended as his hands vigorously shook Hijikata’s shoulders, demanding he turn his head back.

Hijikata ignored the dumbass and persistently continued on his merry way of hogging all the blankets.

Gintoki snuggled up behind and wrapped his arms tightly around him like a koala as he went on his constant ramble of absolute gibberish and endless chant of “Hijikata-kun, Hijikata- _kunnn_ ”.

The annoying prick only turned his mouth siren off after Hijikata had let him in. As soon as he scooted over, Hijikata’s shoulder was almost instantly heated up as fluffy white hair tickled the skin on his neck.

Lucent morning light crept in the Yorozuya’s creaking window sills, honeyed summer breeze wafted in the still air, only to be violently pierced through by the familiar, disappointed yell coming from a pair of glasses acting as an alarm clock outside the door.

_“Are you happy, Hijikata-san?”_

_I am._


End file.
